How to talk about politics on the internet

Even though I’ve covered this before, it needs repeating: the internet has made everything in our lives better. But what the internet has probably improved most is how we express our political views. Before the convenience of the internet, if you wanted to get your voice heard, you would have to, for example, write a letter to the editor, which takes more time to write and send out through the mail (or Fed Ex for you non-socialists). And even then you’re expected to properly edit your own work so it’s suitable for publication. Talk about an unnecessary hassle.

But there’s no need for that anymore now that we have the internet.

Through the past few years, the internet’s capabilities have grown to a point where they can be daunting. Below is a list of the best ways to express your political views on the internet. Maybe they will help you start a journey of political self-discovery.

1. Make a YouTube video of yourself

Do you love to hear yourself talk? Do you like wearing sunglasses indoors to compliment your boss do-rag? Do you enjoy making up words like preventeded and opinioniated? Is there no conceivable way anyone would let you on real television because of your total lack of preparation? Then YouTube is the place for you.

Unfortunately, traditional forms of media like TV, film, and radio have a little thing big wigs like to call “standards.” Thankfully, due to the internet, these “standards” no longer apply to the average hardworking joes like you and me who would rather not re-tape 5 minutes of us stumbling over our own words while trying to make a point.

Sure, you may not get very many hits because people who actually know you don’t even care what you think about anything, but your words and voice are still out there, and that’s what matters. Forget things like substance, quality, and viewership. That’s old media. In the age of the internet, the only thing that matters is the fact that you are doing it, not that what you are doing is meaningful. And what is less meaningful than YouTube that has so many people doing it? (Besides World of Warcraft)

2. Post on a forum

If you do actually care if people hear or read what you think or you hate to look at yourself, then maybe YouTube isn’t for you. A better place might be a political forum, where you can shove your beliefs down peoples’ throats until they choke on its truthfulness.

The benefit of forums is that not only do you not have to look at yourself, but no one else can look at you either. You are completely anonymous, which means you can be as much of a douchebag as you want with absolutely no repercussions at all.

Let’s say, for instance, that you’re not really homophobic, but you want to make a thoughtful argument about gay marriage and end it with a gay joke. That’s not going to fly in the office. But on a message board? Son, you’re going to get banned if you don’t. And let’s say you want every message you post to be followed by a picture of a weatherman with a phallic-looking phenomenon seemingly coming out his pants. Passing a picture like that around school will get you detention, and it’s certainly not going to help your argument. But on a message board, you’ll probably get modded and be worshipped for your wit. So please, douche away.

3. Make Facebook posts

Maybe you want to be heard, but you really don’t want to be anonymous either. You may want your views to be thrusts upon those closest to you. Unfortunately, you hate actually talking about politics face-to-face out of fear of an actual dispute. You need to say just enough so that no one else can confront you about it without looking like an argumentative jerk.

If that sounds like you, then Facebook is probably what you want to use.

With Facebook, you can make many posts a day. Among messages telling your friends that what you ate for breakfast was good, you are leaving for work, and you think the guy in accounting is staring down your shirt, you can sneak in little posts saying that you think all Republicans must be mentally handicapped. And if anyone calls you out on your truth bombs, well they should just lighten up. You weren’t being serious anyways. But what can you expect from a Republican, right?

Check and mate.

4. Contribute to CNN’s iReport

After looking at all of these options, you might be thinking to yourself: “Yeah, but I still really want to be on TV. I’m just too good to be wasted!”

Hey, I hear you. Your childhood was spent wishing you could be on America’s Funniest Home Videos, and you won’t rest until you get your face on TV with the smallest amount of effort possible.

Thankfully CNN has followed in the internet’s footsteps by eliminating their “standards” and making iReport.com one of the major contributors to their television content. It’s a lot like YouTube, except now people who accidentally left their TVs on CNN thinking it was a real news network can hear what you think about healthcare. Plus, you can watch yourself on a bigger screen, which makes it better.

5. Create a blog

Still, after hearing all of these options, you might be feeling like you are too ugly for screen-time, yet too self-important and long-winded for forums and Facebook. Additionally, you might be too lazy or untalented to actually get your own work published. Well, that’s why blogs were created.

Now you (yes, you!) can self-publish your tedious diatribes to anyone, but probably no one. It doesn’t matter though. Sure, you’re doing all of this work for free, but you get the satisfaction that you’re saying something that must be really, really important. As long as you feel like someone may be reading your passive-aggressively sarcastic statements, you’ll feel a lot fuller inside.

Maybe it’s all of those terrible memories from your childhood that have scarred you that make you search for some sad, small semblance of importance. It doesn’t really matter, because once you see all of those words spread out in a way that might resemble a page of a book, you don’t really remember anymore. Better yet, with blogs you can always turn off the comments so you never know for sure if no one is reading. Maybe some day you can turn them on once again and gain yet another new outlet of political self-expression.

Well, I hope this list was helpful to you. Just remember a general rule of thumb: if you’re working too hard on expressing yourself in a constructive and meaningful manner, you probably just shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.