Best Amazon Review

This is probably the best Amazon review on their entire site. It's concise, informative, and entertaining.

I do not receive yet this item, I will appreciate you let me know when do you estimate I am going to receive it. By the way, if it is needed please envoy the item via courrier with the extra charge to my AMEX.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

Playing It Cool

"High five, America."

Minimalistic Geniuses

I saw this image the other day and, I have to admit, my first impression was how terrible of planners these guys must be. A honking sign? Written on cardboard? Looking like white trash? Come on, guys. If you're going to campaign for your candidate of choice, rise above expectations. Be creative. Or at least buy some poster board.

The more I looked at this picture, the more I began to think maybe this was the Real America I was hearing about. Like the lost city of Atlantis, I originally thought it was some kind of myth, made to be sought out like the Holy Grail. But here it was, I thought, in all its glory. And then I began to wonder, what was so great about the Real America? Look at these guys. Do I want to talk to them? How could they possibly have anything interesting to say?

Despite not being a huge fan of The Matrix (it's alright), I am intrigued by the notion that our experience of the world is some kind of dream that feels real in every way imaginable, while the real world is actually some kind of piss hole.

I can't imagine a scenario where I wouldn't rather live in blissful ignorance. I'm not sure which color of pill I would have taken (because I don't remember which was which), but I would have looked right in Cowboy Curtis' face, picked the happy pill out of his hand, and chewed on it so the effects would work quicker.

But as Real America began to creep up on me, I realized that these guys weren't so much products of this authenticity, but rather innovators in minimalism.

They were the future. That's why they seemed so foreign to me. They're not even of our time.

Take a look at them one more time and, this time, pretend that they are poor.



Check. Out. That. Technique.

First, I want you to notice what they are physically bringing to the table: themselves, some clothes that anyone could grab for free at some kind of donation center, cardboard, a marker, and some real boss hats. Clearly the hats are the only thing that maybe cost money.

But it's not what they have; it's how they use it. For instance, those big budget hats? They turned them backwards as if to say, "You lookin' for some kind of fight?" These guys are in charge. They know where they're going. And you should listen to anything they have to say, because if you don't, they'll pop you in the mouth. They don't care. They do what they want. Rules? There are no rules. Maybe they'll wear their hats sideways. What are you going to do about it?

Secondly, their message demands your participation. They don't just say, "Hey, maybe you should consider voting my candidate." That's loser (Democrat) talk. It's weak. They're demanding that you do what they want when they want. Now you're a part of their movement.

And if you don't wanna? Too bad. Cause check out them guns. If you don't want to participate, they're more than willing to let you know that you're risking a beating, punk.

Finally, the total disregard for proper grammar is a bold but effective choice. Much like the backwards hat, it says, "The rules of the world don't apply to me." Take that, Dumb-ocrats, with your fancy words. If I want to use numbers, check it out. I'll do it. Are you going to fight me? (and then this is when things start to come full circle) Bam! Here are the guns, baby. Honk 4 McCain and move on.

These young men aren't Real America. They're the future. These visionaries could change the world, but only as far as society will let them. Could you imagine if the homeless would adapt their techniques? With this assertiveness and creativity, you wouldn't need very much money at all. Yeah, sure, those hats probably weren't free, but shelters could probably save a lot of money if they shifted from providing soup to handing out free boss hats.

Sadly, these geniuses are so far ahead of their time, many people will only see their display as some kind of cheap and dumb tactic to shore up enthusiasm on voting day. 50, maybe 100 years from now, and techniques like this will change our world and cure poverty. But these young men will have been lost in time. But let it be acknowledged now that this was the week that the world began to heal.

Today in Fashion

Say goodbye to the days when you could read a headline on CNN and not turn it into a t-shirt.

That's right. CNN has recently (or maybe they did this a long time ago... I really don't know) launched their very own t-shirt generator, where you can turn any of their headlines into your very own shirt.

This actually makes some type of lame business sense for headlines like "Obama to be first African-American president." However, CNN includes a ton of other headlines that have no real business being on a t-shirt.

For instance, you could be the proud wearer of "iReporters worldwide watching election," "Nudists want to vote in buff," or "Palin 'sorry' if she cost McCain votes."

All these t-shirts that are stupid enough to make fun of, but too lame to actually wear, even for ironic purposes.

But there is one category of headlines that is an exception to the rule (at least out of the bunch available in the archives as of this typing). Among slogans like "Rare baby pygmy hippo is size of puppy" sits this gem: "Woman, 75, shoots intruder in crotch."

It is, really, the perfect gag t-shirt. No one should quite be able to "get it," but when you walk down the street with a shirt that proudly declares "Rabid fox attacks jogger, clings to arm," someone is bound to ask what it's supposed to mean. And then you can look at them like they're stupid, point to the spot under the headline that reads, "I just saw it on CNN.com," and say, "It's the news." For effect, you could even shake your head, as if disgusted and confused at this person's small, small brain.

What makes these headlines work is the sense of unimportant action in them. Something extraordinarily insignificant that still sounds kind of cool has happened. And you're letting everyone know.

Hey, everyone! Hurt climber drank urine, ate bugs to live! Did you hear? Hurt climber drank urine, ate bugs to live! I read it on CNN.com! And here's when I read! Hey, everyone! Hurt climber drank urine, ate bugs to live!

Unfortunately, if you take a look at the most popular shirts ordered, the only attempt at humor is "1 in 3 workers hung over at the office."

Yawn. Way to go, CNN.com readers. It's bad enough Hurt Climber had to drink his own urine and eat bugs to live, but now it's unlikely that anyone outside of the CNN.com readership will ever know about his heroic story.

You give a bunch of people a chance to make a difference, and they buy a bunch of "Obama's President" shirts.

URGENT WALL STREET UPDATE

Just days after Wall Street crawled its way out of the depths of chronic depression, it has now either ascended or descended (I'm not quite sure which yet) into some kind of stinky phase. Here's the photo that was released just moments ago.



I don't know, folks. On one hand, baldy here looks pretty upset about whatever has crawled up his nose. On the other hand, bad smells (even the putrid kind) are only unbearable until you get used to them. And what does that take? 30 minutes? A few hours tops. I believe this is a new territory for the financial world, but I'm making the call. This is definitely an improvement.

Look, would you rather be depressed or smelling something funky? I don't care how funky it is either, stank never made anyone want to stay in bed all day and cry. If anything, being around a bad smell makes you want to get out and smell the fresh air, which encourages exercise. If you're outside all day, you're most likely getting crap done.

So, yeah, things are looking up, America.

I Love Message Boards

Before the internet became a common part of the American life, it was impossible for the lazy and stupid to have a voice beyond their own shouting. Now anybody and everybody can say whatever they want whenever they want.

And it's amazing.

Take this great example--a post on a message board:

As Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe said, "Fresh Activity is the only means of overcoming activity". And I'm sure he knows what he's talking about, although I have no idea who the hell he is. The point is that he's right.

That's right. Who knows who this guy exactly is, but he must be right.

The internet has given us a lot of great things (convenient shopping, enhanced communication) and a lot of bad things (sexual predators on social networking websites, P. Diddy on Youtube). But probably more than anything else, it has brought us a ton of useless crap posted by people who clearly have nothing worthwhile to say or no way to intelligently express their thoughts. Including this blog. And probably your blog too. Actually, the most revealing thing about message boards is that people generally have nothing worthwhile to say. So as I search the internet for nuggets like the one above, keep in mind that this isn't so much depressing as relieving; you may not have a whole lot of worthwhile things to say, but no one else does either.

Headline Photo Update: The financial crisis not quite a crisis anymore

As reported today by CNN from Wall Street, America's current financial crisis goes from end-of-the-world devastating to mildly irritating.



Behind that suppressed frown and inevitable shake of the head is a huge sigh.

Whew! Crisis over!

Or as we say during this Presidential administration...

Mission Accomplished!

A Thriving Profession

There are very few professions that aren't feeling the pinch right now from the bottoming out of our economy. People are buying less of everything--even what they need.

However, there is one profession that is seeing an influx of business: photographers who specialize in photos of men on Wall Street looking like they are seconds from having a complete mental breakdown.



In these touch economic times, when the media is reporting on our financial woes, it's important to be reminded of just how depressing and bleak our current situation is. The economy can be really confusing for a lot of people, but the folks on Wall Street really know what they're talking about. So if they look like they have a complete disregard for violently weeping in public, maybe we should too.



Even photographers who specialize in the How-Am-I-Going-To-Go-On?-Head-Grab-From-Behind photos are seeing their fair share of coverage.



In fact, now is a great time for any variety of depressing Wall Street photos. For instance, the classic One-Hand-Over-The-Mouth:



The Aerial-Two-Handed-Head-Rub:



And my new favorite, the rare Slumping-Over-The-Railing-While-Some-Jerk-Behind-You-Has-The-Balls-(Or Savings?)-To-Smile:



But soak it up Wall Street photographers, because the economy won't be the front page story forever. It will only be so long before our nation is gripped by the next logical threat to our cushy American lives:



And when that day comes, you're photos will be meaningless and Fat Cat Photographers, who are currently starving as they take pictures upon pictures of cats gorging themselves, will be raking in the cash.