Part 1: Preparation
Josh Detty. To most people who know him, he is the guitarist and lead singer of one of the hardest-working punk bands touring today, Fight Before Surrender. But for almost ten years, I’ve known him as more than that. He’s been a friend, a mentor, and a zombie killer.
Almost as long as I’ve known him, Josh has given me advice on zombie survival. I’m being completely honest when I say that I have never really been quite sure if he is serious or not. Logic dictates that he isn’t. Despite how much many of us want zombies to be real, they aren’t. And as serious as Josh takes his music and career, he is also a pretty goofy guy.
But the more he told me about his survival plans, the more I realized how extensively he has thought all of this out. After watching the movie 28 Days Later—and this is absolutely true—Josh started carrying a machete in the trunk of his car… just in case.
Joking or not, I’ve been e-mailing Josh lately, picking at his brain, trying to figure out in great detail the extent to his zombie survival plan. This is part 1 of a series of conversations I’ll be having with Josh. For now, I just wanted to learn about preparing for a zombie attack.
Through it all, I kept asking myself, as I always have: Is he really serious? Has this always just been an elaborate joke that Josh has never quite let anyone in on? I’m still not sure, but as always, I tend to lean towards Josh being serious. Why? Josh says it best himself: “I know that you might think now that it’s very unlikely that a zombie infection/outbreak/apocalypse could ever happen, but, then again, ask your grandparents if they ever thought that we could put a man in space, let alone on the moon. We as humans have accomplished some amazing scientific work in the last 100 years, from curing diseases, to space travels, to cloning animals.
“I believe it is possible; anything is possible.”
Anything is possible. Maybe he’s right. A zombie apocalypse isn’t exactly in the same field of accomplishment as landing on the moon, but then again, nuclear warfare was, at one point, an inconceivable concept. Germ warfare, which is right down the alley of a zombie outbreak, has been around for a long, long time, but, unfortunately, it is a part of science that is always expanding.
Josh seems to have a way of getting my mind going. But how far does he take this?
I asked Josh what the first priorities are, and he said it’s to prepare. He emphasizes that you need to have an evacuation plan (which he calls his “e-vac” plan), which includes game plans involving weapons, supplies, and evacuation strategies, among other things. “Your situation might require you to get weapons then get to safety,” Josh says. “Or get to safety then get weapons.”
You have to be flexible. He stresses that you must use common sense. “Use your brain or lose your brain; it’s that simple.” Josh adds that you need to stay calm and go over your e-vac plan, adding: “Oh wait, you don’t have one? Well, welcome to zombie-ville, idiot!” Harsh but fair words, Josh.
Another thing that Josh says to never do is try to be a hero. “Its just not worth it,” Josh says. “Unless you want to be a zombie.”
But what about your loved ones who aren’t near you at the moment of an outbreak? Should you try and be a hero for their sake? Don’t even think about it. “Your friends and family are most likely either zombies or zombie food,” Josh says. “So forget about them.
“If they are close by, then they might make it and be with you for awhile. If they aren’t and you have to travel to get them, just don’t. Chances are, you’ll fail. Cry about it, punch something, kill some zombies to get even, whatever. Just get over it and move on. I know that if I’m at home in San Antonio and my wife is at work on the other side of town, I’m not getting into my car and driving to save her. Heartless? Perhaps. Zombie food? Not a chance.”
The key to survival, Josh told me time and time again, was having and sticking to your e-vac plan. Getting to safety and gathering weapons are the two most important things right away, he says. As far as getting to safety, you’ll have to rely on what the situation gives you. “Think about places you often go to around town for errands or work and places close to home. You’ll want buildings that are NOT super huge, like Wal-Marts, but places where you can get supplies (food, weapons, ammo, first aid, basics) if needed. Consider places that you know, with very little to no work, will be perfectly prepped to keep out zombies.
“Really, it’s just how the cards fall. If the Japanese would have known ahead of time that we were going to drop a-bombs on them, I don’t think they would have been out running or taking photographs or gardening. Same with zombies; you might be at work when this happens, maybe grandmas funeral. Who knows?”
When traveling, Josh adds, learn your surroundings immediately. “I do a lot of traveling and I have a lot of tools that I can use as weapons or make weapons out of. And when I roll into Detroit I know where I am and I get familiar with the surroundings quickly.”
Weapons are key, and there are a lot that you need to consider.
Josh encourages the use of guns, but acknowledges the weak points of using them. “Think back to pre-gun era civilizations, like the Native Americans, Vikings, Samurai, or any type of warriors from our history; maybe even Rambo. If you have guns or direct access to guns, great! But do remember this: If you hunt a deer and you fire and miss, the deer is spooked and runs away. So do all the other wildlife in the sound waves of the blast. If you shoot a zombie and miss or hit, it doesn’t matter; the sound waves will attract more zombies and there will be more coming after that sound.”
For a long range weapon, Josh suggests the compound bow. “This weapon can be traced all throughout human history and it completely changed hand-to-hand warfare forever. And if you run out of arrows there is a quick and easy way to make more: long straight sticks.” He also likes a rifle with a scope if you can get access to one.
For mid-range, a cross bow and a 12 gauge shotgun are his favorites. But the shotgun comes with a warning: “Remember, however, that they are called scatter guns for a reason. The shot scatters the farther away it travels from the gun.”
For close range, Josh cannot recommend blades enough. “Most people can’t afford a decent samurai sword, better know as a katana. Sure, a 4 foot long indestructible razor blade would be the best weapon ever (Seriously. Google katana and research it. You will be impressed and then you’ll want one), but if you don’t have it, you don’t have it.” The next best thing? A machete, which Josh says you can grab for under $30.
Another big favorite of Josh's is the sling shot. "It's a child's toy, but it's just as deadly as a gun, silent as bow and arrow, and seriously accurate for up to 50 yards. You will never run out of ammo; if you do just pick up a hand full of rocks. The IRA (Irish Republican Army) used this weapon a lot. It doesn't take anything at all to learn to use this weapon."
Other weapons to consider: Baseball bats, hatchets and hammers. “An axe with the handle cut down will work too,” Josh says. “A sledge hammer is just a newer version of a war hammer. Just don’t get something that you can’t swing very well. Don’t be afraid to make your own weapons too. Anything can become a weapon.”
There are plenty of options, but Josh stressed one specific weapon to avoid: the chainsaw. And his logic is pretty sound. “Seriously, is this the Army of Darkness? Are you going to cut off your hand and mount the chainsaw on there? ARE YOU BRUCE CAMPBELL? No, you are not! What are you going to do when it runs out of gas?”
Josh concludes that, while he likes guns, they aren’t exactly the only thing you should be using. “Guns are nice until you run low on ammo or they jam. And you need to clean your gun so it doesn’t get dirty and blow up in your face. If you have guns, use them, but don’t depend on them. Use them wisely. If you are smart enough and resourceful, anything can be a weapon! Just try to stay away from anything that might need a lot of maintenance or attention.”
In the next installment, Josh is going to talk about day-to-day survival. Until then, go to the store and grab yourself a machete. I’m not saying you’ll need it, but like Josh said, I suppose anything is possible. I’m going to hold out on the katana though. Maybe. Well, I’ll Google it and then decide.
Until next time, good luck and stay safe out there.
