URGENT WALL STREET UPDATE

Just days after Wall Street crawled its way out of the depths of chronic depression, it has now either ascended or descended (I'm not quite sure which yet) into some kind of stinky phase. Here's the photo that was released just moments ago.



I don't know, folks. On one hand, baldy here looks pretty upset about whatever has crawled up his nose. On the other hand, bad smells (even the putrid kind) are only unbearable until you get used to them. And what does that take? 30 minutes? A few hours tops. I believe this is a new territory for the financial world, but I'm making the call. This is definitely an improvement.

Look, would you rather be depressed or smelling something funky? I don't care how funky it is either, stank never made anyone want to stay in bed all day and cry. If anything, being around a bad smell makes you want to get out and smell the fresh air, which encourages exercise. If you're outside all day, you're most likely getting crap done.

So, yeah, things are looking up, America.

I Love Message Boards

Before the internet became a common part of the American life, it was impossible for the lazy and stupid to have a voice beyond their own shouting. Now anybody and everybody can say whatever they want whenever they want.

And it's amazing.

Take this great example--a post on a message board:

As Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe said, "Fresh Activity is the only means of overcoming activity". And I'm sure he knows what he's talking about, although I have no idea who the hell he is. The point is that he's right.

That's right. Who knows who this guy exactly is, but he must be right.

The internet has given us a lot of great things (convenient shopping, enhanced communication) and a lot of bad things (sexual predators on social networking websites, P. Diddy on Youtube). But probably more than anything else, it has brought us a ton of useless crap posted by people who clearly have nothing worthwhile to say or no way to intelligently express their thoughts. Including this blog. And probably your blog too. Actually, the most revealing thing about message boards is that people generally have nothing worthwhile to say. So as I search the internet for nuggets like the one above, keep in mind that this isn't so much depressing as relieving; you may not have a whole lot of worthwhile things to say, but no one else does either.

Headline Photo Update: The financial crisis not quite a crisis anymore

As reported today by CNN from Wall Street, America's current financial crisis goes from end-of-the-world devastating to mildly irritating.



Behind that suppressed frown and inevitable shake of the head is a huge sigh.

Whew! Crisis over!

Or as we say during this Presidential administration...

Mission Accomplished!

A Thriving Profession

There are very few professions that aren't feeling the pinch right now from the bottoming out of our economy. People are buying less of everything--even what they need.

However, there is one profession that is seeing an influx of business: photographers who specialize in photos of men on Wall Street looking like they are seconds from having a complete mental breakdown.



In these touch economic times, when the media is reporting on our financial woes, it's important to be reminded of just how depressing and bleak our current situation is. The economy can be really confusing for a lot of people, but the folks on Wall Street really know what they're talking about. So if they look like they have a complete disregard for violently weeping in public, maybe we should too.



Even photographers who specialize in the How-Am-I-Going-To-Go-On?-Head-Grab-From-Behind photos are seeing their fair share of coverage.



In fact, now is a great time for any variety of depressing Wall Street photos. For instance, the classic One-Hand-Over-The-Mouth:



The Aerial-Two-Handed-Head-Rub:



And my new favorite, the rare Slumping-Over-The-Railing-While-Some-Jerk-Behind-You-Has-The-Balls-(Or Savings?)-To-Smile:



But soak it up Wall Street photographers, because the economy won't be the front page story forever. It will only be so long before our nation is gripped by the next logical threat to our cushy American lives:



And when that day comes, you're photos will be meaningless and Fat Cat Photographers, who are currently starving as they take pictures upon pictures of cats gorging themselves, will be raking in the cash.