URGENT WALL STREET UPDATE

Just days after Wall Street crawled its way out of the depths of chronic depression, it has now either ascended or descended (I'm not quite sure which yet) into some kind of stinky phase. Here's the photo that was released just moments ago.



I don't know, folks. On one hand, baldy here looks pretty upset about whatever has crawled up his nose. On the other hand, bad smells (even the putrid kind) are only unbearable until you get used to them. And what does that take? 30 minutes? A few hours tops. I believe this is a new territory for the financial world, but I'm making the call. This is definitely an improvement.

Look, would you rather be depressed or smelling something funky? I don't care how funky it is either, stank never made anyone want to stay in bed all day and cry. If anything, being around a bad smell makes you want to get out and smell the fresh air, which encourages exercise. If you're outside all day, you're most likely getting crap done.

So, yeah, things are looking up, America.